nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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