Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
