I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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