i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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