Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
