Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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