I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
