"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
