he shaved USA in his pubs
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
