Non-Jews are for practice
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
