Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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