i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
