That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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