I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
