I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
