omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
