my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
