Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
