where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
