I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
