A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
