do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
