I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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