There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
