why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
