I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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