i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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