I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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