Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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