now i know why i became what i already was.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
