I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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