my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
