you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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