you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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