Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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