Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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