Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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