So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
