I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
