I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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