Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
