perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
