dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
