John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
