You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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