Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
