I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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