I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
