A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
