Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
